Lessons Gone Wrong Pillows

Learner driver conned into being a getaway driver

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Better luck next time, kid."

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Daddy showed me why I should always wear my bicycle helmet!

"I learned one thing today. Attitude trumps aptitude!"

"Well, I'm just saying, buying me a cheap used car for graduation is not going to teach me responsibility."

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"Do you know the biggest thing I've learned in my thirty nine years?"

"If you're ever granted three wishes, don't blow them all on a giant body with tiny arms legs."

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

"Baldo, I'm proud of you for admitting you were wrong, but remember...a man who makes no mistakes usually does not make anything."

"We all make mistakes. That's why pencils have erasers!"

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Father nails piano lid shut.

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"Get another cab, Dad. This one is creepin' me out."

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

"Frank, you idiot! That's a Piñata."

'It's just that simple. So act now and start barking up the 'right' tree.'

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

"Wait, it's Thursday? I thought it was Tuesday! The first day of the rest of my life was supposed to be Wednesday!!"

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"

I always figured that when I got old I'd have all the answers -- and then they revised the test!