Lessons Gone Wrong Gifts

Learner driver conned into being a getaway driver

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Better luck next time, kid."

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

"I learned one thing today. Attitude trumps aptitude!"

Daddy showed me why I should always wear my bicycle helmet!

"Well, I'm just saying, buying me a cheap used car for graduation is not going to teach me responsibility."

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

"If you're ever granted three wishes, don't blow them all on a giant body with tiny arms legs."

"Do you know the biggest thing I've learned in my thirty nine years?"

"We all make mistakes. That's why pencils have erasers!"

"Baldo, I'm proud of you for admitting you were wrong, but remember...a man who makes no mistakes usually does not make anything."

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

'It's just that simple. So act now and start barking up the 'right' tree.'

"Get another cab, Dad. This one is creepin' me out."

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"Frank, you idiot! That's a Piñata."

Father nails piano lid shut.

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

"Wait, it's Thursday? I thought it was Tuesday! The first day of the rest of my life was supposed to be Wednesday!!"

"Remember, dogs go woof! Just as long as you can get enough petrol on them."

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"