Life Lessons Gifts

Stuff between birth and death

"There's a life lesson here, kid. Not all bad guys look like bad guys, and not all good guys look like good guys."

That Was Fun - Let's Do It Again.

'Next time I steal a car, I better check if the battery is inside...'

'It's quite a learning experience. You'll be amazed at what you can live without.'

Anyone who believes 'where there's smoke, there's fire' never tried to start a fire in a fireplace.

"My parent always told me to put the best foot forward. I'm just not sure which one."

'Every rule has an exception - that's the rule. . .'

'If all the other dogs in the neighborhood were barking, would you bark, too? Wait, let me try something else...'

"I learned one thing today. Attitude trumps aptitude!"

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

'There are only two sure things in life, Son- Death and...Actually there's only one sure thing in life.'

"Life has its seasons, Kaitlin. This is baseball season."

Flattery - the applause that refreshes.

Nothing makes people more suspicious than the facts.

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

Can't we at least turn the fiscal cliff into a slope.

How come a lot of virile men are too weak for indoor work?

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations, became savvy consumers, the lived reasonably contented forever after'

Those who indulge are about to bulge.

A great day starts when you weigh 2lbs. less than you thought you would.

Liquor is legal, not compulsory.

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

Skip school-no one will be the wiser...Especially you.

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

"I totally wiped out on my bike."

"Remember, dogs go woof! Just as long as you can get enough petrol on them."

"Do you know the biggest thing I've learned in my thirty nine years?"

We all do stupid things when we're young

"Ignorance can be cured, but stupidity is forever."

"Remember son, there is no such thing as a free lunch! Only eat what you catch: anything you just happen to 'find' could be a poisoned bait. . ."

"Son, the only things certain are death, taxes and changing menu options."

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"If you had listened to me when you were twelve, you wouldn't be in this mess."