Funny Life Lessons Gifts

Jack was hopeless at getting the right bits in the right holes.

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"I learned one thing today. Attitude trumps aptitude!"

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

"Well, I'm just saying, buying me a cheap used car for graduation is not going to teach me responsibility."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"In this life son, if you want something, you have to hunt for it."

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"Do you know the biggest thing I've learned in my thirty nine years?"

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

'What did you learn at university today?'

"We all make mistakes. That's why pencils have erasers!"

Be prepared - Don't jump to confusion.

'Remember, Junior, if at first you don't succeed...come up with a good exit strategy.'

Smart people learn from experience - other peoples'.

"Does school really help people with real life?"

'False alarm! I'm back. It was only a career suicide.'

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

"Don't think of it as being grounded. Think of it as suffering the consequences of your monumental stupidity."

'It's just that simple. So act now and start barking up the 'right' tree.'

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

He who hesitates is five miles past his exit.

Congratulations! The secret to life is a good cardio workout.

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'