Leicester City Fan Pillows

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Football Chameleon

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Uptight End"

Archaeologists discover a football

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

'Now what?!'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

"So, after five glorious weeks, football is coming home!"

Red Card - Gold Card.

Referee cop.

"Go deep!"

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

Football Violence

'Bad boy! Drop the quarterback! Drop him! Drop!!'

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

"No big screen TV to watch football for you. But I do see beer, lots of beer."

Football drummer

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

"It must be a youth culture!" (Lager, boobs, lager, babes,footie, girls,lager.)