Legal Topics Pillows

"I trust my late husband didn't leave any nasty surprises?"

No wonder you're drinking hot cocoa, Al. You went outside wearing a tee shirt after I advised you to layer up. Layer up? I though you told me to lawyer up. Weather Wonk.

'She got the house, the car, AND a tobacco settlement!'

"Of course I live for the moment. I charge $900 per hour."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Bailiff."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"They're class action figures."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

Justice

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'