Legal Secretary Gifts

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

'Ms. Hempworth, check with our legal department...why must we obey the rules?'

Legal and Schmegal

'Yes, they are very accomplished attorneys. They know how to read between the lies.'

"I keep having this terrible nightmare, that I'm really a legal secretary with a Wagner fixation."

Secretary to lawyer: 'Ad per the head-on collision settlement, the insurance company is playing chicken.'

Secretasry to lawyer: 'Some clown here to see you about a high profile slip and fall.'

"Mrs Kimberly, could you please figure out how to bill people for just thinking about me?"

Yomp & Jones...attorneys: 'Mr Jones wants me to inform you that he is representing your wife in her divorce.'

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

"$865 attorney fee, $198 title insurance fee, $150 administration fee, $135 title search fee, and heck, let's add a $200 'at this point the client probably won't notice anyway' fee."

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

"That'll be two sugars, then?"

'I don't suffer fools gladly, Mr Fusco.'

'No, this is 'and Harris' speaking...'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

Court Reporter Machines Just Reduced for Quick Sale.

'Now, don't yell, but I forgot where I sequestered the jury!'

'I think I'll have the El Grande lawsuit.' 'You want fries with that?'

Jury Room

"I believe you've already met my associate, Tinker Bell."

'I had them watch Court TV all night for background.'

'Let's save some time here -- on a scale of one to ten, how guilty would you say you are?'

Litigation Advice: 'Miss Beamish, in this office never, ever, say 'accidents will happen'...'

A law firm's offices.

'It's all very well for people to whine about us letting these secretaries go...But it's unavoidable, no business can afford waste these days, savings had to made and there was nowhere else to turn!'

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

You get what you pay for attorneys - at - law: 'Yes, we have a lawyer for every income bracket.'

Slaps on the wrist.

"Mr. Packard will sue you now."

"Hi Mom - Did you get my subpoena?"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?