Secretaries Gifts

"The DNA does not lie Mrs Miggins...or should I call you Don Escobar Bolivian drugs czar?"

I use to file your expenses at the office Mr. Henderson, but I never dreamed I'd be one of them.

When he was between Executive Assistants, filing became a challenge for Jonathan.

'You have appointments lined up right until you leave for vacation in 2008.'

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

' I see that you have a B.A. degree in stapling and collating. Your parents must be very proud of you.'

'I'm terribly sorry, he's tied up at the moment, could anyone else possible help. . ?'

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

'Any other messages, Ms. Richards?'

Lady to other: 'Not the screen, silly - you put the white-out on the CD!'

' Is he expecting you?'

"Remember the good ol' days when sexual harassment wasn't such a big deal?"

'Mr. Worthly will see you now...oh dear! I see it's kicked in again! ...his attention deficit disorder!'

"We frown upon politics in the boardroom Miss Jenkins - But sex is okay."

'I've five minutes to spare, Miss Marsdon, come in and explain the meaning of life to me. . .'

'There's a hole in the women's restroom wall!', 'I have some men looking into it.'

'Sir, one of those one-eyed, pyramid-like things that are on the back of dollar bills is here to see you.'

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

Mary got more work done when she replaced her phone receptionist with a parrot who asked callers if they minded being put on ignore.

'Mary, I've got meetings all day so I'm going to be unable to have my scheduled happiness moment at 3:01. You have it for me, OK?'

"My insurance deductible is like most of my Facebook friends - I've never met it."

"Can we get back to you? He seems to have stepped away from his trousers."

"Things to bring up at the next school board meeting: 1. need for more office space..."

'No, not your Uncle Sam. The Uncle Sam!'

'I'm leaving early cos I didn't come in so late'

Reception - The slimy no-good, double crossing b****** you wish to see - is that senior or junior?

'I didn't get all that stuff after 'Dear Sir'.'

Of course it's lonely at the top. Stop eating garlic pizzas for lunch!

'Is that all for today...just 'Dear Sir'?'

'You HEADhunted? You surprise me Fiona!'

'Miss Wilson, please send in the cow.'

'How's my spelling?'

'Human resources - are you sure?'

'When he freezes like that, stick this straightened paper clip in his ear and hit the reset button.'