Legal Review Gifts

Strike That Clause

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"Bailiff."

Wal-Mart Ruling

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

India Decriminalizes Homosexuality

"They're class action figures."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

Justice