Legal Planner Gifts

"I would like a will prepared... nine to be exact."

Trial by Media

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"We only got six days of funding."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Who's got the hammer?"

Quality Control

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"As I understand it, after this scaffolding comes down the city will be done."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

When Engineers Crack.

'Looks like Reginald wasn't kidding when he said he's going to start urban farming on the roof...'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Someone's got to do something about these pot-holes!'

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."