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"For legal reasons, the names of doctors, nurses, diseases, treatments, and medicines have changed."

After Mr and Mrs Tooth and Nail you've got the Hammer and Tongs.

The effect of watching too many trials on TV.

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

Ruth Bader Ginsburg - Forever Supreme

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

Musuem. Galileo did an experiment by dropping cannonballs from the Tower of Pisa. I wonder what he discovered? Personal injury lawsuits!

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'Remember - do not try to plant the seeds from these apples. They're intellectual property, and they're copyrighted.'

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

"Haven't you ever heard of the first amendment?"

It Looks Like Trumpty Dumpty Got His Wall After All.

They Are Not Going to Take Me

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

Judge

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

There's no such thing as "The Fruit Basket Defense." By any chance, are you referring to "The Fruit of the Poisonous Tree"? That's evidence that was obtained by an illegal action and must be considered inadmissible. Yeah! What you said!!!

'Speak of the devil, there's my attorney now.'

'You have the right to remain silent and to the counsel of a motivational speaker.'