Legal Humour Enthisiast Gifts

'You're a doctor and you were making a house call? -- You expect anybody to believe that alibi?'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"We make crime pay."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Loopholes

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"At least he's honest about it..."