Legal Eagles Gifts

"I was going to sue the neurosurgeon, but then he changed my mind."

"The ones just out of law school are especially frolicsome."

I am billing, therefore I am.

"Well, sure, it LOOKS like a straightforward plea to buy our product...but for safety we better run it by the legal department

'The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? That doesn't allow for much flexibility.'

'Next time keep the Justice Department and the SEC in mind when you're thinking outside the box.'

'Mr. Justice, must you keep repeating 'nobody can fire me, nobody can dire me, nobody can dire me'?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"The court is sorry that it raised it's voice, young man!"

The next few years would be very litigious,

"No, it's still perjury, we don't make exceptions for 'white lies'."

Say it with Flowers: But not without a lawyer present.

Lady being asked to sign the accident book after slipping up in supermarket.

'I don't remember when I said to you about that this morning because I didn't know you were listening.'

The Lawyer of Oz

'It appears to be a legitimate restraining order. . .'

"This is SO romantic. Jerry has the waiter singing our prenup."

'Let me take a stab at him. He's the over-generous judge who awarded my ex-wife all that alimony.'

'OK, I'm back. Here's a notarized hard copy of my offer granting you three wishes, all ready for your lawyer to review. And I don't mind telling you, pal, it's jerks like you who are RUINING this job!'

Call 1-800-JUSTICE for all your legal needs.

"He got this new circle and now he says he's part of some protection racket."

'Wait! I'm an attorney and I represent the base runner!'

'Can Bradley come out and litigate?'

Dog defendant and cat jury - The Rigged Jury

"Megan, will you please prepare our client for cross examination?"

'Do unto others - but only when you can do it during billable hours.'

'I guess there's a lack of big trials. Court TV is carrying a tennis match.'

'... Now this releases me from any liability. And this form ...' 'Fred's legal experiences in civilian life interfered with his work in a war zone.'

Trump Foundation Payout

"The witness will not tweet his testimony."

"After this I'll just need you to remove the watermark from your soul."

Shopping Scales

"The visual aids budget is a little low."

'Keep your answers short. Long sentences lead to longer sentences.'

'My client stands before you, a jury of his peers ...'