Legal Eagle With A Taste For Ballet Pillows

Dance of the sugar plum tax attorneys.

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge getting hair done.

'I think its being tapped.'

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Don't worry, I haven't sued any patients. I got the J.D. as a deterrent to lawsuits!'

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

'Judge Bush agreed to come out of retirement on a temporary basis.'

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

L.A. Law

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

Attorney-at-play

"The Attorney's Lunch—may I hear the warranty again?"

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

Barristers playing children's games during the long vacation

'I was an attorney but that fizzled out. Apparently I couldn't distinguish between legal and illegal.'

Computer Aided Divorce.

Attorneys on ice.

"Melanie, find me a little pro-bono case to cleanse my palate."

'I need a continuance, your Honor.'

"Please, just give the boy his pocket money!"

Sue the Author: 1pm-3pm