Legal Discourse T-Shirts

'I think you are over-reacting Mr. Brown. You were charged a mandatory basic parking fine. I don't think we need to talk about taking your case to the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Another slander suit!"

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'He started it!'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'I'm recusing myself from this case.'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'So why are so worried? I'm leaving my fate in the hands of 12 people not smart enough to get out of jury duty.'

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

Witless protection prgram

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

The Uber Wedding Planner: 'Ok, we're almost there...we just need a clarification on the whether the 'till death do us part' clause is meant literally or figuratively.'

"Yes, that is the book I wrote, but it was heavily edited by a homicidal maniac."

'I sentence you to nine consecutive life terms.'

'My client, Skippy, is suing for a twenty-ounce sirloin, medium-rare.'

Nutty Assistants

"Your honor, my client is a very respectable blood-sucking pest."

'Your fee is causing us more mental anguish than the accident.'

Sensitivity Reader

'But you told me to try and look innocent.'