Legal Conundrum Explorer Gifts

'Your alimony claim appears to be dead in the water. Your ex-husband has filed a complaint with the European Court of Human Rights.'

"You're fired."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"Can't fix the WiFi? How times flies! Seems only yesterday you couldn't program the VCR!"

"No offence Jon, but..."

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

Hopkin's for Clinic the Dyslexic

Assault weapons go over the cliff.

I don't know if neuronal stem cells can or cannot become blood cells but one thing is for sure, neuronal stem cells can become controversial.

"And for a left-handed designated hitter and a player to be named later, Mr. Steinbrenner would gladly fly Elián home."

"Hi guys. I'm Lawyer man, and my power is of attorney."

With Jury Duty for All

Equal Time for All Christians

"I need you, Roberta. Deep inside me there's a married man aching to get out."

Profiles in Courage

Jihadi Art Critics Circle

'Jeeves...Jeeves...'

'Your honor, before we get into the issue of black and white, I'd like permission to slip into my grey suit.'

What's your problem? I love my wife... And I hate my mistress.

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack -- Career Duck

'Three years? But that's aaaaaaaaaages.'

'This is all very clever, Mr. Quigley, but there was a court ruling years ago that marriages can't be classified as non-profit organizations.'

"You can be your own attorney, but no, you cannot be your own judge."

"What's caused the recent increase in radio listening?"

"White Rabbit, Cottontail and Mr. Fluffy. Why the code names?"

'My lawyer says he's pretty sure this is police entrapment.'

"Goodbye Sweetheart. No matter where you go in this life, or what you do, always remember that you signed an N.D.A. with us."

The Quack Quack Diaries - Quack Quack Joins The Army

"The results are meaningless, but it gets the animal-rights people off our backs."

Vietnam and abortion atrocities.

"Burger King bought a Canadian donut chain and relocated its headquarters to Canada to skip U.S. taxes."

Statue of limitations