Legal Billing Gifts

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"Bailiff."

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"They're class action figures."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

I am billing, therefore I am.

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

Exploring Healthcare Careers

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

Attorney and killer bee.

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

"I charge by the grain."

"The initial test results are in and you have excellent coverage."

Attorney Punching Bag

Medical Billing & Coding

'It has nothing to do with relativity. He's trying to figure out his cable bill.'

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

Night Court