Legal Antics Lover Pillows

Disorder in the Court!

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

Another reason Chihuahuas hate basketball.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

Cat makes a dog pound cake with dog cather inside.

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"My dog chased a squirrel up my pantleg!"

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- You lifted that alibi from a September, 1958 episode of 'Perry Mason!'

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

'Please bow your head and cough. I need to check your hairballs.'

Night of the living will

The secret to longevity is good genes, good diet, a good lawyer and witnesses with weak eyesight and poor memories.

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'Objection, Your Honor...council is badgering the witness.'

Why are you dressed like a British lawyer? The term is barrister, but it doesn't surprise me you don't know that. In fact, it helps me make the case I'm here to prove today: That you're a meathead because you suffered concussions playing football. That's ridiculous. Hold on! Let your counsel represent you. I want to be fair. Counsel? Never mind. He seems to have no comment.