Legal Dramedy Lover Pillows

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

"I object, Your Honor! The witness is being coached."

"Who is it - some tramp from a lower court? You only buy me flowers when you feel guilty for seeing another judge."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'Way too much information on your resume.'

Contest of wills.

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Please accept the apologies of this court. You're free to go now, and, by the way, here's your DNA back."

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"To indict or not to indict... No, to charge or not to charge... No..." "Don't worry. I know how this turns out." "Mueller's Hamlet"

Antonin Scalia

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"You don't have to answer that."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."