Lecture Aficionado Pillows

'Here we see a correlation between the returns of the stock market over the past twenty years and the attendance figures for my informative lectures over the same time period.'

Dr. Hazeltine attended the lecture on descenting skunks...

'...And now a word from our sponsors...'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

Edgar Allen Poe

The Dorrie Decimal System

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"Any questions?"

Wordplay: In The Bag.

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Trilby - 'The old studio'.

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

Keeping all the balls in the air - skills

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

Archeologist Deciphers Limerick Heiroglyphs

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

Tequila Mockingbird

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

My Literary Influences

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'