Leave It To The Lawyer Gifts

'...For ruining my client's weekends and his lower back pain. See you in court.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'And after I'm through, our staff attorney will drop by to assist you with all the pre-nuptial agreement documents!'

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

' Of course there isn't one law for the rich and another for the poor..There's only one impartial law. For all who can afford it.'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'We are in a race against time and the auditors. Gentlemen...start your shredders!'

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"You don't have to answer that."

"To be honest, I'm not sure if you marking your territory is legally binding in a boundary claim dispute."

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Let's run it through legal.'