Leasehold Lurker Pillows

‘We unknowingly bought a leasehold new build!’

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'And the cat is due back in 2 weeks.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

'I know it's gassy...'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Shaken not stirred

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Just water for me, please."

Barman In Love.

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"I rented out the basement."

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

"What'll ya have?"

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'What happened to your hand.'