Leaf Warrior Gifts

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

"We're going to need a bigger rake."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"We're out of bags."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

'Esther, is it possible, just possible mind you, that your green thumb has gone berserk?'

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

Test your patience, back in one hour.

'First weeds of spring.'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

Getting Rid of the Cure

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

'Say, aren't those the same weeds that came up last year?'

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

"Why did we get a Cheetah? They need so much walking."

"You have sewage between your teeth."

Moses parting leaves in a forest.

A "Park and Walk" near New York City.

Park cleaner orders leaf to come down.

Leaf blowers at dawn.

Human males marking territory.

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

"Now we're really in trouble!!! It's the Power Walking Dead!!!"

I'm color blind, please help.

'He's so proud - We've got the best collection of weeds in the street!'

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

"It's a victory garden. And the weeds have won."

"Say, Bill, how's that new crop of yours doing?"

"I realize you want the leaves to finally fall, but I doubt shaking the tree is going to work."

"I was trying to grow roses, but I got hit by the 'bluebonnet' plague."

Leaf rake - wider than space

"Honest Dad, I was going to mow the lawn... But I can't find the lawnmower in here!"