Lazy Wizard Pillows

These days, he only uses the @#$% thing to change the channel.

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

D.I.Y

'You can't come in here with that.'

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

"So long, boys. I'm off to the big city to try my hand at chainsaw sculpture."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'I'm in the den, mom, reading the newspaper for my social studies class.'

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"Victims of out-sorcery."

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

'Calm down...it's probably just another mirage.'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

Dog Walker

'Your resume looks good. Let me hear some of your incantations.'

"Okay brother Bickle, you can keep your underpants on"

Man gets round hosepipe ban by showering in the garden

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Boat Launch'

CONGRATULATIONS On an awesome swim

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

'What's the situation about new wands these days?' - 'You can't beat 'compare wands.com.'

'Listen to this: Each drop of water we drink may have once been in a glacier, Attila the Hun's stew, Mike Tyson's sweat, Liberace's bathwater, drool from a...'

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

"The Procrastination World Championships were only a month away. He never trained so hard."

"Wait. Let me have one more try."

"Think of it -- you'd never have to fold another shirt."