Lazy Dog Humor Pillows

"I need motivation."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

Dog wearing a cone

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

Dog Training.

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

'He isn't use to getting up this early.'

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

"It requires so much less work than a dog."

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

'That's the problem with Dacshunds, you can never tell whether they're coming or going.'

'No, no that's not what I mean by trim the motor!'

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

'So, are we going for a walk or what?'

'Bud's body is in pretty good shape; it's his mind that needs work.'

Remote Toaster

'These elevators are slow, but it sure beats flying.'

'He's lost his mobile phone - it must be in his chair somewhere!'

'Harland, we want a divorce.'

"We got custody of the Cat."

"I no longer eat homework. I graduated to term papers."

A man walks past a storefront for the "American Kennel Club" that has a sign in its windows that reads: "Some dogs allowed".

"I'm sorry that Ted ever taught him to smoke. It's costing us a fortune!"

'Come look dear, Ben is so comical trying to catch that bee!'

'This time it's really just a stick!'

'...and God created canine in his own image.'

"I'm tired - let's call it tall enough."

'Don't just lie there-get moonlighting!'

'They want me to exercise- so get me a squirrel to chase.'

'It's the only exercise he gets these days. Fly swotting'.

Cull people who like plastic plants.