Lover Of Lazy Humor Pillows

'Don't just lie there-get moonlighting!'

"The landlord says that there are no animals allowed in this apartment. You've got to move out."

"I AM at my usual position."

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

Fetch the Boomerang

"Okay, you play dead. 1-2-3 Go!"

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

Sleep. The magazine for people who are asleep.

'It took months of training but now she'd rather sip a martini than fetch a ball.'

The Lackadaisical Dog Walker

The Sedentary Dead.

"Doc, I think I'm suffering from insomnia...every ten minutes the boss bursts into my office and wakes me up!"

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

'You can't imagine how happy we are to find a vet who makes house calls!'

'I'll count to ten thousand: Go and hide...'

"I just got home. Let me roost a bit."

"When you said this was our Forever Home, did you mean we'd be forever home?"

"That's enough exercise for one day."

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

"Wow, you sleep up to 18 hours a day! Me too!"

'Are you sure sitting on a bean bag chair isn't considered getting a daily requirement of vegetables?'

'At least I'm not accused of being envious, lustful, greedy, prideful, gluttonous or wrathful.'

"Believing life begins at 40, Dave decided to take it easy for the first 39."

'So, are we going for a walk or what?'

I wanna find out about your let to buy options!

"Would you please bring the endangered species here a drink?"

'Its part of our new range of inactive wear.'

Remote Toaster

New Season on the TV / New Season on the sofa

'Hey Jenkins, what the heck?'

'The mincer's busted!'

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."