Lawyer Jokes Gifts

'I need a lawyer who specializes in guilty people.'

'You're in luck... nasty papercuts are my specialty.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"At least he's honest about it..."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

Clive Anderson