Lawyer Jokes Gifts

'I need a lawyer who specializes in guilty people.'

'You're in luck... nasty papercuts are my specialty.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

Clive Anderson

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"...And now show us what you said."

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'