Collecting Lawyer Jokes Gifts

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"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

A baby in court

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"...And now show us what you said."

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"I get that quite a bit. Actually, I'm a lawyer."

Clive Anderson

'Do you think I would even be here if my client were guilty?'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"Wait! First, his attorney."

'...And to spare my relatives the burden of inheritance taxes, I've decided not to give them anything.'

'First time I've seen a law degree with an expiration date.'

"No, I'm not calling for order in the court. I'm tenderizing a porterhouse steak. Do continue, counselor."

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"