Lawn Linguist Pillows

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Sale! Weed Whackers

'Ok..Ok...I'm putting the lawnmower back in the shed!'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'Iguana know what time it is.'

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

'I think they're the best crop circles you've ever done!'

Beware of the Lawn

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

"Yo, how's it swinging?"

'I don't know who he is...but he roto-tilled my entire yard and never even stopped to let me thank him!'

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'The good news is I just dethatched the lawn. The bad news is the lawn was nothing but thatch. . .'

'Yes, sure, certainly, you bet, of course, yeah, right, yep....'

Grass saying: mow me/feed me/weed me/roll me.

'Al's Lawn Care Service: There's no crabgrass too crabby for us!'

"I can never remember, does 'barge' have one snake-head jackal, or two?"

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"There's got to be an easier way to kill the moss in a lawn"

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

'He's so clever he's learning a second language!'

Ref shows footballer green card.

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

Cruel Pet Tricks