Leash Linguist Pillows

'I like being tied up.'

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

'Yes, sure, certainly, you bet, of course, yeah, right, yep....'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

"I can never remember, does 'barge' have one snake-head jackal, or two?"

'He's so clever he's learning a second language!'

"See, I told you he didn't want to go out."

"Our new dog seems to be really, really shy!"

"I've lived among them my entire life, and I can tell you, 'fetch,' 'roll over,' 'sit,' 'stay,' and 'bad dog,' is the extent of their vocabulary."

"No, no, no. Double-click to open. I'll walk you through it one more time. Go get your leash."

'Now with 30% less crap you can't even pronounce!'

Hang Time Fido

"Tales of the Bungee Leash"

Self-walking dog

"Yes, I said that a man should be able to show his emotions but..."

It's a shared responsibility... you're not right and I'm not wrong.

'What really bugs me, is that we could be a cute couple, if it weren't for you.'

Walking the Dog.

'A walk is supposed to be fun. If it's not, you aren't doing it right.'

"Yo, baby, what's wrong? I thought you said you wanted to check out my crib?!"

"Morning!"

Spelling for Dumbies.

'I think the dog wants to go for a walk.'

'I need a card that sends a very clear mixed message.'

Walk the dog.

"And do you, Babe, take Babe to be your lawfully wedded Babe until death do you un-Babe?"

Hair of the dog spots: maltese on a walk

"I've got a dog licence. Will that do?"

"You taught me to speak, and now that I'm talking to you, you're all freaked out."

The light at the end of the tunnel just got switched off.