Lawn Jokester T-Shirts

"That was a stupid place to put the lawn mowings."

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

I fart more than that!

"Do you think the birds like me?"

'Well, I got a hunting license and a fishing license and by golly I'm going to use them.'

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"Must get a longer cable."

"I hate this time of year."

Watering the garden gnome

Clandestine cows.

Dr B orge tests his new cow-fart ozone depletion meter.

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

When Farmer Harry Met Farmer Sally.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

"My husband is fishing. . ."

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Gardener digging and finding pipes.

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

'Do you think anyone will notice my funny hat shaped like a fish?'

COWS: Spare cow

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

"You wanted me to mow all the grass?"

'Is it my imagination, or has this suddenly become harder to push?'

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

'He's not here.He's out on a sting operation.'

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

Prank Cattle Calls. (mmph)

Speed enforced by really slow walkers.

Man shouting 'timberrrr!'

"No one knows his identity. He just turns up, cuts your grass, then departs without leaving his name. They call him the Lawn Ranger."