Lawn Gladiators T-Shirts

"In two weeks' time, Andy Murray will either have achieved a great British win or an awful Scottish defeat."

Prize vegetables.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

'I fought the lawn and the lawn won.'

I'm Spartacus.

Biker Lawn Mower

Run, Mike, Run!

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"I warned you before you bought it, John, that the plant is aggressive!"

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

Man mowing lawn that grows quicker then he can cut it!

Human males marking territory.

"You've bust your hump."

"There's got to be an easier way to kill the moss in a lawn"

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

No Croquet

It's payback time at the sadistic dentist's office.

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

"I can't decide which one of you should get the promotion, so I'm setting up a boxing match between you two to decide."

"Honest Dad, I was going to mow the lawn... But I can't find the lawnmower in here!"

'I can't cut the grass until I find the lawnmower and I can't find the lawnmower until I cut the grass!'

'Better put this on. . . health and safety.'

"This is the worst parade ever."

"Let's see...how would Arnie handle this?"

"Involuntary manslaughter. How about you?"

'Get your mitts off my leaves!!'

Going Shopping Together.