Lawful Good Fan Pillows

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

Antonin Scalia

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

'Hey, I made a hole in Juan.'

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

What really became of the boy named Sue.

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

"I charge by the grain."

'Drop it! Drop the Lawsuit!'

'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

The Washington Arbitrators

"My client demands a jury trial."