Law And Fun Fan Pillows

'Objection! Leading the witness in a game of peek-a-boo.'

Trial by Media

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

Arrest of La Tuta

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"I charge by the grain."

Bobsled Police.

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

The Washington Arbitrators

"It's been in self-drive mode all morning, maybe it's not programmed to recognise stop signs?"

Foam finger gets stuck up a foam nose.

"My client demands a jury trial."

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

'Okay, just be patient -- it could be months before they learn to obey all of these.'

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

"Your team should sign that bluebottle, it has chased the ball all over the pitch."