Law-themed Humorists Pillows

"The visual aids budget is a little low."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

Fairtale prosecutions.

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

Justice

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'