Laughter Medicine Fan Pillows

'It's a simple operation. You'll be good as old in no time.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

"Turn your head and cough."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

"Here comes the super-visor."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.