Laughter Lovers Gifts

'But if you want the real lowdown, we'll need some of your DNA.'

'Ok, now everyone jump up and touch the ceiling 100 times with the palms of your hands...'

Dummies Books.

Ted's confidence quickly fades.

Discount surgery: 'True, we do use a set of steak knives, but they're clean and very, very sharp.'

'I encourage natural childbirth - gently coaxing the baby into the world. If that fails, I go with brute force and intimidation.'

Clown Delivering Babies.

Sydney Airport - passengers called Barry, Sheila and Skippy.

'Oh, hello Julie. I'm a bit busy at the moment. Can I call you back in forty five seconds?'

"Let's try to affirm these vows with something more convincing than, 'if you say so.'"

'Actually, my Dad never learned to talk - My Mom's a ventriloquist.'

"Gesundheit."

'Don't judge me until you've walked a mile in my shoes.'

'How can you accuse me of drunkeness?'

Burp!

'I keep thinking people aren't laughing at me.'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'Don't worry, Mr. Blowfish, I'm ruling out acupuncture as a therapy.'

'Get me the RAF! Our first helium-filled breast implants have broken their moorings.'

"And if you don't know what to say, just say, 'Ho, ho, ho!''

"If I'd known you were looking for someone without experience, I wouldn't have exaggerated my abilities."

"You were right: watching humans setting up large family tents on a windy day is hilarious!"

The Samaritans On A Home Visit...

"I want you to treat the water on the knee the same way you treated your emotional meltdown. . . put ice on it."

"According to our medical records you've been diagnosed as a hypochondriac."

The Joker at the eye doctor.

Ancient Secrets to a Happy Life

House warming party

"Her toes in the sand. The wind at his back. They were living the dream."

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

Socially Distancing Clowns

"When she was mad at us kids, my mom would threaten to hit the pound key."

Clown College. Scholarships? Are you trying to be funny?!

Go get it! Good boy! I'm more motivated by carrots than by sticks!

The Hades Tonight Show. No, I don't think you need to send out a comedian first to warm up the studio audience.