Laughter Aficionados Pillows

The comfortable silence left the room the moment Mr. Giggles walked through the door.

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"They're comfortable."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Stairlift around cliff face.

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

The First Fire Stick

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Unemotional Support Animal

"She wishes to range free!"