Laughing At Delays Gifts

'With your regular carrier overdue you'll have to use me.'

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

Looks like another profit's warning

Procrastinators Incorporated

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"I can assure you, he is somewhere in there looking for it."

"First, admit no harm."

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

"It make syou kind of proud to be helping to build this giant new hospital doesn't it!!"

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

"If she's going to be off school for a while, we need to make sure she's not stuck in the house all day."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

"He still isn't paper trained, but I got him rug trained."

Train Arrivals

"So you turned off the power, huh?"

"You took your time!"

'Cold weather doesn't bother me - I just think about April 15th and start to sweat.'

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

Meet Hank C. Muffle, award winning author of the best lame excuses for train and plane delays!

Notice at Train Station - 'It Is Better To Travel Hopefully Than To Arrive'.

"Ryan insisted he hadn't put on weight during the lockdown.

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

"No, you can't have church, unless you would like to assemble in a liquor store, abortion clinic or marijuana dispensary."

"Keep calm woman - you're making him nervous."

"Hey guys, it's me, Rob! Remember, we flew together yesterday."

"I only know the day and month we're in because we go over them everyday in circle time."

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

Lost Biker.

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

First Wave. Second Wave.

That's 7 dog years or 56 human ones.

New Graduate: Entering real life.

"Owing to cutbacks the 20.19 service will not arrive until 2021 - probably about June."

Attention... Attention...all complaints about delays to services are now running on time...