Laughable Lobber Pillows

"Ed Lowry: Worst hunter ever"

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

Sailor in Car.

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"Say, do you have time between all that DNA research to invent a non-smelly sock."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

Pie chart of pub conversations

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

'Now that should make it a lot easier.'

"I feel it's only fair to warn you, Dr. Thompson, that watching cell division can be quite stimulating!"

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'That's funny... I could have sworn I saw the chef put him on the platter.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'Without thinking Captain Hook uses the wrong hand'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

Tragedy and Material

"If we're to have a serious relationship Nigel, you must stop ringing my bell and running away."

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

'MILK FIGHT!'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'

"I'm old enough to remember when people thought retirement had something to do with not having a job. Don't laugh! We used to believe all sorts of ridiculous stuff!"