Laugh-out-louders Pillows

Pie chart of pub conversations

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

"That'll be five bucks."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

King and Jester

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

Hypnotoon

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

'MILK FIGHT!'

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'