Laugh Out Loud Lovers Pillows

Hypnotoon

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Snowprov

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

POP goes the weasel, Collin, not ka-boom splat.

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

King and Jester

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Pie chart of pub conversations

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

Amy Schumer

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"No, dummy...that's not how we use a napkin!"

Produce Fuji Apples. I told you that's not how "fudgey" is spelled.

"Over the long haul, it's been a long haul."

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

'MILK FIGHT!'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'