Laugh-loving Single Pillows

"If you like I can set you up with a bullet I dodged."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

Hip Operation

Falling Rock Zone

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

"I told you you'd ruin your appetite if you filled up on candy!"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

'MILK FIGHT!'

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.