Laugh-loving Listener Pillows

"He'll talk your ear off."

It was the last time Colin would buy anything online!

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Snowprov

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Clown's Comedy Fart.

POP goes the weasel, Collin, not ka-boom splat.

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

King and Jester

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

'I see we've got some techies in tonight.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'Right, now learn this trick...'

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"Hmm, well, I wouldn't worry too much. This condition is very common in your profession."

"I'm sorry I really can't take you seriously."

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

"Well, I deal with death and carrion every day: Laughing is a therapeutic way of avoiding depression..."

Beer Van and Ice Cream Van

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

Making sure the pitcher is up for the job.

'I've written you a song' - 'Oh, that's very kind of you. What's it called?' - 'It's called 'I'll stay with you forever baby.'' - 'How sweet. Let me hear it...' - 'Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai,

'Henceforth, nurse Blum will be the nurse to take your blood pressure.'

'Well, so far the only ones to answer our fondue party invitation are the rats in our basement.'

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'