Laugh Track Lover Pillows

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

'We've got too many sitcoms, Miss Dudley -- pull the laugh tracks on half of them and run them as soaps.'

Sitcom/Sitcom with laugh track.

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"I need to tinkle."

Snowprov

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

POP goes the weasel, Collin, not ka-boom splat.

Running

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

King and Jester

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

Hypnotoon

Extra Long-jump

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

Hip Operation

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

"No, dummy...that's not how we use a napkin!"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

Amy Schumer

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'