Late-night Reader T-Shirts

"If you don't want the light to keep shining in your eyes, stop asking me how much longer I'm going to read."

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

Man reading in lamp

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

Bill glanced up from his computer. It was dark outside. He smelled of BO. A little voice inside his head whispered, 'you should probably log off now.'

Bug reading book has antennae that are lights.

Night-shift entrance

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

"Chapter three: Homo erectus and the practical use of bones..."

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

'I'll never forget, it was the day before Newton discovered gravity.'

'I know these safety meetings tend to run very late, however... '

Full Moon Diner

"Mother, you were right."

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

Large Print Book

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."

"Wake up, baby. I just realized how my insomnia is all your fault."

Diet Enforcer

'Face it, 24 hour grocery stores were made for people like us.'

'It depends on whether you see yourself as yesterday's man, today's man, or tomorrow's man.'

"No!"

"The trouble with this town is there is no day life."

'Does that look like your waiter?'

"I can't put it down."

'The pharmacy didn't have any sleep masks, but they had a sale on duct tape.'

Man reading in a dark park using a streetlight as a book light

"My insomnia is getting worse, doctor - I can't even sleep now when there is a party political programme on television."

"That was terrible. Deeply flawed. Full of crap. Now read it to me again."

"This is all we need! - A giant hat pin serial killer."