Laser Fan T-Shirts

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'It's just a laser pointer, Mr. President. It's not a little mouse. Don't let people distract you with these things...Mr. President?..Hello!?'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

"That? It's where I keep all my passwords."

Hey, dad, do you think we could play something besides "catch"?

Birds on the wing

'Hi Terry. Quick question about that new gearbox you put in my Polo last week.'

Thanks to an elaborate system of mirrors, every employee at Vecon Industries had a window view.

Optician and the PI.

'Sure I said I love 'new car smell', but not as an aftershave.'

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

Quantum Physics. What combines with antimatter to create a violent reaction? Uncle Matter!

'I believe you were first.'

'Since you lost your job you're really taking this 'taxi-driver for your kids' thing seriously, Dad.'

"Judging by your X-rays, I'd say you've been exposed to too much radiation."

"You know that thing where you stand like a statue, then move real fast, then stand like a statue again? You totally stole that from me."

Bored kid fighting off an alien attack.

'I want to be a philosopher Mum: Lots of thinking and no physical work...'

Angry pensioner

The Power of 3D Glasses.

The Priceless Ming Vase Relays.

The Race

'Soon I will have proved it ONCE AND FOR ALL!'

Surgical equipment burning a hole through the table.

'My gosh...It's like looking in the mirror.'

'When you asked me to follow your husband at work you didn't tell me he was a Formula One driver.'

"The particle physicists get all the chicks."

"You're carrying a spare tire for an 18-wheeler but you're driving a mid-size sedan."

Cylinder Head

Sprinting speeding ticket

After review, the replay confirms a touchdown, and also that big, jiggly bellies look hilarious in slow motion.

On your mark, get set, go!

'Whoah, look! Jed's got new wheels!'

It was only a matter of time until Gertrude turned into a grumpy cat.