Laptop Guru Gifts

Zoomies call.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

The Computer Bore

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Google car."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

Sir Winston Churchill

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

CEO with SEO

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

Evolution.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

Walking Luggage.

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

e-shoes

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

The Dubloon Stops Here