Language Wizard Gifts

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

"Does you friend speak English?"

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

'Despite anosmia she fonded her penuche.'

'I teach foreign languages to ATM machines. What do you do?'

A Crossword puzzle.

'Why do I always get a teaching assistant whose pronunciation is awful?'

"I'm an international service agent. I can say 'I'm not responsible' and 'I don't know' in four different languages."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

I will study my speling words...

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"It's a play on words."

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

"Could you repeat that word?"

"Letters would be all right if they'd just let us leave them in alphabetical order."