Linguistic Wizards Gifts

"I detect an accent — one that's down on its luck and has had too much to drink."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Backfire

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

Shakespeare Quote

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

Spell-Check Bee

Wordplay: Lemonade - Save the Lemon.

'They decided to immure the ladrone in a drogue.'

Danae's Prescient Auto-Biography: '...My prescient autobiography is a publisher's dream...no need for fact-checking!'

"Are we their yet?"

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

"And she's an interesting conversationalist, too."

"Honey, Clay Buchholz is about to cement a Cy Young!"

'Why do I always get a teaching assistant whose pronunciation is awful?'

We have skule clothes.

'Despite anosmia she fonded her penuche.'

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"It's eagle before snake except after feather."

'Were there any new buzzwords created while I was out to lunch.'

"I'll have a vole, please Carol"

Author of thought for the day on commitment remains anonymous.

"It's the first tell-all book by a former Administration insider written entirely in iambic pentameter."

"I need some help to write my self-help book..."

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."